February 2000

Dear Friends and Family,

After Christmas in Yogyakarta, we flew to N. Sulawesi for a few days vacation on our way to Halmahera, N. Moluccu. There we fulfilled our dream of spending New Year’s Eve on an uninhabited island. A fisherman’s motor boat took us out to the island of Lihaga. It was soooooooo beautiful. White sand like talcum powder. Big rocks and cliffs at one end of the island with jungles in the middle. I’ll never forget swimming in the phosphorous at night. It was as if the ocean was full of stars. The phosphorous washes up on the beach and you can smear it on your body so that you glow in the dark! During the day, the water was that unreal turquoise color, clear as glass. Thousands of brightly colored fish. On New Year’s Eve we lay on our backs in the sand and looked at the stars for a long, long time. Then we sang to the glory of God. That’s not usually my sort of thing but it was that night. That great power of the universe that is the spring of love.

After four idyllic days we came back and found that the nearby island of Halmahera had erupted in an orgy of destruction and killing. Probably thousands killed. Our flight to Ternate was canceled, and there was no public transportation to Halmahera where we were scheduled to teach. We decided to go up to a mountain village to figure out what to do. We stayed with a wonderful old couple that always makes us feel so welcome. They have a simple house, full of love. The first morning I went down to sit by the lake at about 5 a.m. and watched all the glorious changes in light. My heart was full of beauty and I enjoyed deep meditation. But grief at the killing in Moluccu also surged around the edges. I felt clear that I should go on a complete fast for three days. I also felt I should not worry about my health or life because I was probably going to Halmahera.

It’s been a long time since I fasted for three full days. Farsijana joined me for the latter two days. In the midst of weakness and hunger we felt very peaceful and ready to receive whatever God wanted to give us. We fasted for several reasons: (1) in solidarity with the suffering of our loved ones, both Christian and Muslim in Moluccu (2) in solidarity with Muslim friends finishing up their month of fasting (3) to humble ourselves before God and offer ourselves to God in full consciousness of our weakness (4) to discipline our minds and bodies and to empty ourselves of selfish desire/ego (5) to show our seriousness to God in asking for God’s mercy on Moluccu (6) to ask for God’s clear leading for whatever we should do, and (7) to receive the power we needed to do it. All this is very neat and analytical. In truth, we just felt deep grief about Moluccu and wanted in our hearts to fast. Listing reasons is a later exercise. During the first day of our fast, I became aware of a lump on my neck, like a swollen lymph node. It didn't hurt and I was not worried.

When we came down from the mountain lake, we met a close friend from Halmahera. From him and other refugees we learned that Farsijana’s research village of Ngidiho, which felt so safe and homelike, no longer existed—burned to the ground by Christian armies. Her "family" there and most of the village are refugees and have lost everything except their lives. By God’s grace, Farsijana left when she did. If I had met her in Halmahera as planned, the moving promise of the Muslim family to die rather than see her harmed, may have been put to the test. We heard of atrocities on both sides of the conflict. We also found out that private boats go directly from Manado to Halmahera and a wooden boat was leaving for Tobelo the next day (January 9). Farsijana knew she was not going, and did not want me to go, but she agreed that I needed to follow my heart. This seemed like a fulfillment of my vision by the lake, and I decided to go.

I had three main reasons: (1) To learn. No unbiased witnesses had been to the place where thousands of Christians and Muslims had been killed. I wanted to learn how the Christians saw the situation in which they were the victors (temporarily at least). (2) I also wanted to show love to people who were in pain and, incidentally, to bring antibiotics and other medicines, since many people suffered from deep wounds. I managed to phone one of my former students, and he was overjoyed that I might come. He said they felt very alone, that much of the information from the Muslim-controlled press was distorted, and that pastors, teachers, and theology students are now soldiers. (3) Finally, I wanted to be a light in a very dark place. During my first trip to Halmahera I was too cautious in my criticisms of the war-like attitudes of Christians. I urged them to consider first the honor and love of Jesus Christ. But I was very gentle, not wanting to be an insensitive Westerner who did not understand the long term suffering of a Church that felt oppressed by Muslim immigrants who increasingly controlled the political and economic channels of power. But now the urge for justice had erupted into an orgy of killing in which men women and children were brutally slaughtered solely on the basis of their religion.

That week the boat was delayed three times and the little lump on my neck grew large and very painful. After visiting several doctors, gaining no relief from antibiotics and seeing our limited time slip away, it became clear that I could not make it to Halmahera this time. We took the soonest available flight back to Java for more tests. An American doctor recommended I go to Singapore for a full biopsy and pathology. With the caring support of our PC(USA) colleagues in Louisville, we flew to the tropical Disneyland of Singapore. To our relief, the doctors found no trace of cancer or any other life threatening disease.

We are now back in Yogyakarta, thankful that the wound from the surgery is healing well and the swelling in my lymph nodes has receded.

Salam hormat,

Bernie and Nona (Bernard and Farsijana Adeney-Risakotta)

The 2000 Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p. 154