June 18, 2004
Dear Friends:
Part of our job at Cedepca is to sense what is going on in people’s
hearts and minds in this beautiful, troubled region and then to
equip church leaders here to live out hope and consolation, the
good news of Jesus Christ, in their local communities.
I contribute to this task by being a fly on the wall. In these
times of restlessness and perplexity I try to absorb the spirit
of the times. Here’s the product of recent exercises in
listening. Does it resonate with you?
You want complex? I’ll give you complex. You want simple?
That’s me, too.
I am mother, son, father, daughter, wife, partner, brother,
sister. I am beloved, capable of loving. I am forgiven, capable
of forgiving. I know tenderness, vulnerability. I am frail,
damaged, frivolous. I am serious, worthy, cheap. At the same
time.
I form part of a, no, several, communities. I have my own
history. I have inherited a collective memory. I have a grandmother.
Identity. Color. I speak, listen, see. I taste and feel. I enjoy
the mystery of sensuality. I am a builder of meaning. I perceive.
But comes a time I neither think nor feel.
There eats within me a worm called avarice, jealousy, vengeance,
rage. I am capable of denying love, of betraying another. I
am capable of doing harm to other human beings, of committing
acts of violence against nature herself.
I work. Get tired. Hide. I take risks. Or not. I rest. I
build relationships, break relationships. Relationships build
me; they break me in pieces. And many things just pass me by.
I believe. But not any more. I am capable of encountering transcendence.
Or not. I am hopeless. I hope.
At this particular moment in history, I shop, therefore
I am. I am a consumer. I am consumed.
My life, the life of my communities, is in the hands of others.
We don’t even know them. (But they know us, in their own
way). They don’t ask permission. Nor do they account for
what they do. They propose what to do and how to do it, what to
believe and how to believe it. Even dreams, they offer, and how
to make them come true.
Through my communities runs a common thread. Exhaustion.
Confusion. Withdrawn into ourselves. Faltering. Suspicious.
Uncertain. And deep down, in some hidden corner, lurks violence.
But too, wells within us (sometimes, not always) wonder.
We still recognize that that that is, is not what should be. We
are fed up with political hacks and identity merchants. We long
for transparency, shared responsibility, consensus. We long for
power exercised for the common good. Still, wells within us (sometimes,
not always) a sacred rage. Still, wells within us a dream of becoming.
You want complex? I’ll give you complex. You want
simple? That’s me, too.
This fall we’re scheduled for an itineration assignment
in the United States. We’ll be based again at my parents’
house in southern Oregon where the boys will go to school, Mari
will hold down the fort, and I will visit churches. I will be
available to visit your church from Sunday, October 24, through
Sunday, January 9. Please advise as soon as possible via email
if you are interested. These dates will fill up quickly and I
look forward to seeing you! Please contact me at dsmith@cedepca.org
or daspascom@netzero.net.
For recent information on work at Cedepca, please visit our Web
site: www.cedepca.org. There
you can see photos of our new building, the Cedepca Center.
Dennis Smith
The 2004 Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p.
133
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