Never too old for abundant life.
Aging can bring joy and constant transformation
By Sue Washburn
 The kids are grown, the jobs are winding down and 70 million baby boomers are approaching 65. While some imagine long afternoons on a golf course or lazy days of doing nothing (at least for a while), many look forward to actively reinventing themselves in this newly attained phase of life. As the average lifespan of Americans increases, the issue facing the aging population isn’t how to live long, but how to live well.
No single formula exists for living well as an older adult. However, those who feel most confident and content in their later years have some things in common: They are connected to their community; they have a positive mental attitude; they continue to have a purpose, whether it’s helping family, participating in ministry or traveling. Many are also able to cope with or compensate for their loss of physical abilities.
Those who live well are able to transcend their personal circumstances and live a life of constant transformation, finding meaning in their lives regardless of age, ability or circumstance.
Men and women approaching retirement don’t often think of the last part of life as a time of growth, but the reality is that there may be as much spiritual and emotional transformation between the ages of 60 and 80 as there is between 20 and 40. Because the church is one of the few multi-generational organizations in most communities, members can teach each other the important physical, spiritual and emotional lessons that come with aging.
“The biggest challenge we face is how to find meaning in the later years,” says Richard Morgan, a retired Presbyterian minister who has written extensively on older adults. “This new generation of older people want to grow in their faith. They want something dynamic that involves them in the ministry of the church.”
The population swell that took place after World War II can be seen in churches across the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). For every worshiper under 25 there are six worshipers over 64 — with more to come. Jon Brown, the PC(USA)’s director of Mission Interpretation, says Presbyterian leaders see the swell and are looking at how it may best serve the church. “Our denomination is exploring ways of capturing the experience, passion and imagination of a generation of baby boomers who have active years of participation and are seeking ways to have meaningful experiences in church,” Brown says.
Currently, many churches spend their programming time and energy on youth. This could change as the baby boomers voice their needs to congregations across the United States. These are, after all, the people who staged protests and sit-ins and took on “The Establishment.” They redefined equality — and the dress code — and could do the same for older adult ministries.
As the average lifespan of Americans increases, the issue facing the aging population isn’t how to live long, but how to live well. Photo © Istock photo.Fifty-seven year old Gerald Driggs, who attends Fox Chapel Presbyterian Church in Pittsburgh, says he and his wife were surprised at the difference in their lives after their children left home.
“All of a sudden we realized how much of the past 20 years we spent addressing the kids’ needs. In the process, we may have neglected to create a proper balance for all of the other parts of our individual lives and our relationship,” he says. “Many of our friends who are a part of the baby boomer generation have had the daily responsibility for our children shift away from us. We are left with more time, more resources and at times some big gaps. Many of us are filling those gaps with new sources of satisfaction.”
Driggs is CEO of Social Innovation Accelerator, a private foundation that provides business education and services for non-profit organizations. In his position he sees older adults looking for meaningful work in the non-profit world, and thinks the idealism that characterized his generation earlier in life is coming back.
“I sense a real nostalgia on the part of baby boomers to reconnect with the feelings of community and giving that were so much a part of the 60s and 70s,” Driggs says.
“There’s a lot of growth as people age. There are changes in what becomes meaningful,” says Ginny Nyhuis of Sheboygan, Wis., a social worker who serves both the Presbyterian Older Adult Ministry Network and the Association for Retired Ministers, their Spouses and Survivors. “I see a lot of people who get involved in volunteer work or another job they’ve always wanted to do but never had time for.
Roy Morgan of Albuquerque, N.M., is semi-retired at 63. He spends some of his time as the office manager of Immanuel Presbyterian Church. He and his wife (also semi-retired) keep flexible schedules so that they can travel and have time for themselves. They plan to continue their active retirement as long as possible.
“We don’t have any set date when we will stop working. I think as long as we’re able to work, we’ll continue,” he says. “I would never retire and sit at home. I’ve always known I could give back my skills to my community and my church.”
For some people, quitting work may not even be possible.
“Not everyone will have the same resources or opportunities for an active retirement,” says Patricia Gleich, National Health Ministries associate for the PC(USA). “People haven’t had the same resources, opportunities or even access to good health care in their working life. Retirement doesn’t level that playing field.”
“I thought I would be getting ready to retire and spend my time with my husband at this stage of life,” says 55-year old Elaine Finney of Goodyear Heights Presbyterian Church in Akron, Ohio. “Instead we had to raise a grandchild for eight years and now we are caring for our 19- and 22-year-old grandchildren who have ended up homeless. My husband has returned to work part-time and I work full-time.”
She also has aging parents who need her care. For Finney, her church and pastor are a source of strength.
“My church is my sanctuary ... My pastor is always asking how we are handling all the changes in our life. His compassion is very genuine,” she says. Despite her challenges, Finney gives some of her time and energy back to her church, serving as a deacon and Sunday school teacher.
Religious affiliation may be one key to living well in later life. The PC(USA)’s Research Services office is collaborating with the office of National Health Ministries to explore connections between individual health and the congregation as a social network.
“Historically research has found a correlation between religious affiliation and better quality of life and health,” Gleich explains. When people think of themselves “as part of a larger, meaningful whole,” she says, they are better able to empathize with and help others.
“If you want to be healthy in your 70s and 80s, get the focus off yourself and start focusing on other people. That is the biblical model,” says Terry Kennedy, the 81-year-old director of the AIDS Family Fund and former organizer of SERVE mission trips for retired persons. He says older people often have more time for networking, both in person and online, and they can be vital in keeping congregations connected.
Retired minister Bud Frimoth of Portland, Ore., who is also 81, keeps connected at Westminster Presbyterian Church. He helped facilitate a weekly study group for older adults. He’s also part of the Taizé Healing and Wholeness team and a volunteer reader for the blind.
“I thought I’d be an old man at 70. But I’ve discovered there’s still a lot of life left. Since my 70th birthday, I’ve taken trips with AARP and traveled to China with a PC(USA) international travel/study seminar to practice clown ministry,” he says.
Frimoth’s life changed dramatically when his wife died this past year.
“One of the hardest things about becoming single again is that there can be an entire day when I don’t speak to anyone,” he says. “It’s important to keep track of one another. As older people we have the time to do that. Women are a lot better at this than men.”
Alice Brafford, parish nurse at Myers Park Presbyterian Church in Charlotte, N.C., says people shouldn’t feel awkward about voicing their needs. It helps the pastors, leaders and congregation know how to help.
“If you can’t go to the church,” she says, “let the church come to you.”
The Internet, books and magazines provide information about living a healthy lifestyle at any age. But simply knowing what to do isn’t enough, Brafford says.
“We have the information to live well and be productive. The question is, how do we take that information and use it to transform our lives?” Brafford says. “It’s important that we recognize that God is active in our transformation, whether we’re in our 50s, 70s, 90s or beyond. Churches can and should help us do that.”
Margaret C. Suttle, 67, president of the Presbyterian Older Adult Ministries Network, encourages people to articulate and share with others how God is present to them in the different seasons of life.
“We need to think about planning our spiritual retirement in addition to thinking about things like money and health,” Suttle explains. “Older adults need to ‘unpack’ the words and phrases they’ve learned and heard over the years and apply them to their everyday lives as they age.”
Suttle started unpacking when she learned that she had breast cancer. “I was in the radiologist’s office and I knew something was wrong. I was sitting on the table in the cold room and wondered: Do I really believe what I’ve heard and said my whole life, that I have a friend in Jesus?
“Through my treatment I didn’t know if I would be healed, but in a deep sense it didn’t matter, because the friend I had in Jesus was right there holding me up,” she recalls.
That was 25 years ago. Today she and her husband both suffer from terminal illnesses — he from Parkinson’s Disease and she from ovarian cancer. They had planned to retire in the country, but instead live close to family in Jackson, Tenn.
“We’ve chosen to live with the illnesses rather than die from them. There is still joy in my life,” she says. “God is here now. Each day I ask, ‘What is God’s purpose for me today?’”
Freelance writer Sue Washburn is a member of Poke Run Presbyterian Church in Mamont, Pa. |
